Relationship Counselling

Feeling Stuck?

All intimate relationships can be challenging and involve conflict. Depending how conflict is processed, a relationship can do one of two things. Ideally, it will act like a mirror – highlighting areas for your own growth. Or it can evolve into a place where we reenact our past hurts or trauma. This results in a relationship that tends to feel stuck. You and your partner may experience the same fight repeatedly, and not know how you got there. Conflict can trigger a dialogue into all past and unresolved hurts you have experienced. Over time, communication feels dangerous and attempts to try and sort through problems only seem to exacerbate them. Sound familiar? I get it.

The Role of Communication Skills

I can certainly help clients develop better skill for communication – such as how to verbalize an apology, the steps for empathic listening, or how to ask for what you need. However, it is virtually impossible to integrate these skills when we are triggered or in a reactive state. As such, the most important work in relationship counselling involves understanding the pattern or dance between you, and how this pattern is related your own individual ways of reacting to hurts. Some of us our prone to shut down, avoid conflict or become defensive. Or we might attack, blame, or shame our partners. By noticing and working to shift the pattern of conflict in real time in our sessions, I aim to help you feel more understood by your partner, as well as help you to better understand their experiences. The goal first and foremost is to reestablish emotional safety and connection so you can better sort through problems in your relationship – and use those communication skills.

What Should We Expect?

When working with relationships, my client IS the relationship – the very thing that has been co-constructed between you. That means I work to ensure you both feel safe and heard as individuals in our shared space. While I do not take sides, I am not neutral. Relationship counselling involves direction and guidance, and I do so with the utmost compassion that each of you is showing up to the relationship in your best available capacity.